1. |
There's Only One Way
04:12
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Now I can feel you creeping up so near
You are the faint voice that I try so
Hard to avoid and not hear
My mind's put to the test
Do I bend or break go backwards and snap under the stress
I had a feeling it could end this way
So let me sit here and explain
How years have stacked and set in frame
A beautiful portrait of some sorts
With my funeral a precipice spending life
Struggling to push the boulder straight over the edge
Truth is that I know you so well
I know you
There's only one way
Stuck in my head everyday no relief from alarm till sleep
And I know myself so well and can tell that I'm weak
But believe I try to power through but I feel like I'm preparing for
The big defeat
Brace for more that's what you're put here for
My spirit was broken and stolen by systems that wanna see me down
Dreams last till you wake up and mold into the way you love yourself
Just get away while you still can
I'm your biggest fan
Inner and subconscious make me proud to wear your skin
I bleed red American piece of shit muddy blood from impatient men
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2. |
Family Reunion
02:44
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You're making me sick
You're making me anxious
I wish I could think of some reference to tie in my head is coming under distress why can the kids who sat and judged me now cling to all their lovely little things and claim they've always been saints I don't buy a word they say I don't buy it
So crawl back into a hole
And convince yourself you're so lovable
You're all so good at that
My father’s father died before him and his father’s father before I'd hate to break the chain
There's nothing complex about my traits, history projects I'll die alone and overweight not a mistake
You think you're better than me? I swear I could cut off my whole family, always loved them but definitely always more concerned about my well-being
Know what I mean?
I'm not the article you share without reading the whole page
Every detail about me is grueling and I hope to keep it that way
so set the stage then dim the lights cause I wanna make this dramatic to add validity to all the feelings I'm left with
And as these thoughts rattle in my brain for what seems like my whole life
I'll never get a grasp on what my family could have been like
It's all so repetitive
Am I ready for the death of it
Grandma you're dead and you'll always will be sorry dad didn't respect you you know it kills me
Your husbands still alive and yeh he's losing his mind bit by bit I think dad feels it mortality and regret and I can feel it too
Waiting for it
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3. |
Carry A White Flag
04:43
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Pull out my hair for fun and run my nails right down my face
Wake up disoriented almost every single day
Wishing each dream I had was real finding out they're not and that I'm trapped in here
With myself in my room alone
You may think life is fun
But sometimes I don't see it that way
I started medication weaned myself off
That happiness was artificial and fake
Don't you agree? If my happiness has to be forced then it wasn't meant to be
I don't wanna force it I'm fine
Listen when I say I wanna die with at least a quick release of every bad thing that has ever happened to me
Take my hand to the end
I wanna see it all fall
I wanna watch my mind break
With it
My mind is melting
From things around it
Like caskets buried
With dirt around them
I tried to climb out
But I fell back in
I’ll put up white flags to tell them I give in
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4. |
It's Second Year
03:35
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Here is another interesting individual
Is that what the people say to be nice and protect you from harming yourself
spent the night curled up I'm ready for this to be done
Stare in the mirror and ask for more
Examining every single pore
Starved myself until my family doesn't know me
I wanna be set free and gone for good
Tonight
In a cage of wasted space
Even if I break the lock, get what I want
What's to stop me from hating myself?
Call for help, get them to bring everything I used to love about mental health
Call me
To stop me
Cause I am truly longing for some help
I've tried everything, and I swear nothing has ever worked well
Stare in the mirror with weight on my face
Every second is filled with disdain
How could you make me then hate me once I'm born
I know I'm not good but I don't what I'm here for
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5. |
Don't Have Kids
03:19
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I want stability
With no strings attached
Cause I'm the burnt out kid at the back of the class
When all the kids would point and laugh at my weight and I'd be clench my fist hoping to put it through the back of their face
I hope you all die
a very painful death my friends
Cause when that bell rings
No the nightmare doesn't end it just begins
It's been a long time coming
I just want one household to grow up in
And everything looks better
With my face buried deep in my warm black sweater
It's time
Gotta stand up
For myself
Hey can you hear me
I need help
Do people just forget the things that happened when they were a kid or should they carry over and be fresh in their minds to shape how they live
Hey you yell at me
Tell me all the things you want me to be
You came down the stairs asked me if I was tough and pushed me against the wall is this family love
I hit as hard as I could grabbed my shit and then left why did I ever think you could love me enough to give me respect now I'm just the kid who didn't find his place and found out all the things you hate are all the things you can’t change
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6. |
Watch You Die!!!
02:07
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The end of your life is nearing
We all saw it coming like angels in a clearing
But we never cared to make your last days worth your while
We march to your death
That's interrupted by the sound of hospital elevators going up and down
The way we walk is part somber part asleep still trying to act fine
guess I should've called back when you were alive
But now your stuck in wires suspended in time
And I'm a speechless little kid who acts like he can’t wrap his mind around
Death
The construct the meaning
Oh please
The sound of all those machines made me claustrophobic I couldn't breath
Small talk in the parking lot
On the way to her bed
It's so human and so sad let’s just do what we came here to do
We came here to watch you die
We came to watch you pass in front of me
And I never saw you cry
I bet you don't even know what is happening
They turned out the lights
To make it more comforting
A dark end to life
No way will you ever stay out of my mind
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7. |
Stinky Man
02:45
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I've been talking so much shit
On myself in my own head
I know it does no good but
I still do
And if I get 1 chance
To end my life for real
I won't wince
Cause maybe if I died right now I would be a great man
I've been thinking a lot
I've been thinking a lot
About how my old friends are gone
And it’s not their fault that I'm never around
those things are all that I want
I'm all that I’ve got
In this moment I AM all that I’ve got
You'd think from the past that I've learned a lot and I have but right now I'm so damn lost
And the way that I work is just like everyone else
But I don't wanna think that so I destroy my health
(shout) I AM INVINCIBLE! I AM INVINCIBLE!
I'm a sad little man
I'm a sad fuckin man
I should just flip my van
So I can die alone with the things I love
My guitar and my amp
That's why I play this song
In hopes someone sings along
So you can share my pain lets connect our brains
And be 2 broken halves
LETS BE BROKEN
I'm just a sad little man
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8. |
Victory Song
04:13
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Guide me to bind bend and slip into your mind
Reuse every ounce and every inch of my patience
Like a glove emotionally I wanna wrap around you give you everything you ever wanted and know that I'll be true cause
Fuck the people who bring you down
Every dipshit man with a sexist mouth
Any time you wanna speak your mind the floor is yours don’t be ignored or pushed to the back of line
You
Are
Every
Thing
You know? I guess you could tell by
The way our personalities are so inline every thought you have is 1 step before mine
I think you deserve the best so when I hear you're under stress its makes me feel it in my chest like your nerves have always been attached
To mine
I'm sick of the way (hold)
They treat you every day (hold)
And if they never understand what they have
Well then they might as well give you up now
I'm sick of the way (hold)
That things are every day
And it makes me so god damn sick
That they don't care
Ya gotta fix your face
Put your confidence in the right place
And hopefully when they shoot you down
You fall with grace
Don't Give up now
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9. |
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Everyone that you grew up with
Is viewed as a degenerate
But They're all so busy now
That Whenever you're home you wanna hang out
But you gotta hang alone
Unless it's about drugs (drugs)
Getting fucked up to show ‘em what you love
Do you love yourself?
Cause most of this shit is real bad for your health
I just wanna hangout with my friends when they're sober
Saw your parents at the funeral and couldn't get over
The way they looked and how I felt
If it hurts inside then its parallel
To my beliefs
That humans have to bleed to know what it means to have life and how quickly that can leave
Do I know what it means
Move all pictures to the floor
I have no connection anymore
To all the joy they used to give
Reminders of how I used to live
We aren't the secrets that we keep
Hold them inside forever
Never letting yourself get better
Who cares if they judge you for being soft
Better to live an open book than an empty shell
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10. |
Finale
05:24
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Find something to Use my words with
But I can never make them fit
Just right maybe for tonight a push for good signs
And all of the times
I've waited to make up my mind
Stay attached to the way you live
Make it harder just to leave here
So I won't ever give
Into impulse fed by momentary
Mental discomfort temporary
Bleed the feeling until you can stand still
Sure I was bullied when I was younger but
Why do I care what they think?
Sure, my dad had a huge chip on his shoulder
Why did it impact me?
Hell yeh a friend was dead and family lost but I'm still here
Spilling my woes without taking action or a step in the right direction
Can you feel me? I feel like I'm barely here
Like my presence only exists when i try to let it
I'm trying
Stay attached to the way you live
Make it harder just to leave here
So I won't ever give
Into impulse fed by momentary
Mental discomfort temporary
Bleed the feeling until you can stand still
What do I look like? A super human being
Who can harden his mind and shed off everything
With a half forced okay smile I guess
I'll try but what's the point if I'm gone tomorrow
To feel better I'll convince myself I have a soul
Is that what could make me feel lovable?
The notation that there's something concealed within my chest
I'll try to pry it out and show ‘em I’ve got nothing left
Tell me the worst thing that's ever happened to you
I wanna know the truth
Why do you even wake up? What makes us still try to survive when we're already barely alive
How do they do it? They always just keep waking up every morning just to rob the world of its love
It makes me sick it makes me weak I can’t breathe
Hopefully I can choke and pass in my sleep
I don't wanna have kids cause I don't wanna see their face
When they realize that they're stuck and have to live inside this place
Same old kid same story
I'll pin my note to the door you'll find it in the morning
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