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Grad Life

by Graduating Life

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1.
Now I can feel you creeping up so near You are the faint voice that I try so Hard to avoid and not hear My mind's put to the test Do I bend or break go backwards and snap under the stress I had a feeling it could end this way So let me sit here and explain How years have stacked and set in frame A beautiful portrait of some sorts With my funeral a precipice spending life Struggling to push the boulder straight over the edge Truth is that I know you so well I know you There's only one way Stuck in my head everyday no relief from alarm till sleep And I know myself so well and can tell that I'm weak But believe I try to power through but I feel like I'm preparing for The big defeat Brace for more that's what you're put here for My spirit was broken and stolen by systems that wanna see me down Dreams last till you wake up and mold into the way you love yourself Just get away while you still can I'm your biggest fan Inner and subconscious make me proud to wear your skin I bleed red American piece of shit muddy blood from impatient men
2.
You're making me sick You're making me anxious I wish I could think of some reference to tie in my head is coming under distress why can the kids who sat and judged me now cling to all their lovely little things and claim they've always been saints I don't buy a word they say I don't buy it So crawl back into a hole And convince yourself you're so lovable You're all so good at that My father’s father died before him and his father’s father before I'd hate to break the chain There's nothing complex about my traits, history projects I'll die alone and overweight not a mistake You think you're better than me? I swear I could cut off my whole family, always loved them but definitely always more concerned about my well-being Know what I mean? I'm not the article you share without reading the whole page Every detail about me is grueling and I hope to keep it that way so set the stage then dim the lights cause I wanna make this dramatic to add validity to all the feelings I'm left with And as these thoughts rattle in my brain for what seems like my whole life I'll never get a grasp on what my family could have been like It's all so repetitive Am I ready for the death of it Grandma you're dead and you'll always will be sorry dad didn't respect you you know it kills me Your husbands still alive and yeh he's losing his mind bit by bit I think dad feels it mortality and regret and I can feel it too Waiting for it
3.
Pull out my hair for fun and run my nails right down my face Wake up disoriented almost every single day Wishing each dream I had was real finding out they're not and that I'm trapped in here With myself in my room alone You may think life is fun But sometimes I don't see it that way I started medication weaned myself off That happiness was artificial and fake Don't you agree? If my happiness has to be forced then it wasn't meant to be I don't wanna force it I'm fine Listen when I say I wanna die with at least a quick release of every bad thing that has ever happened to me Take my hand to the end I wanna see it all fall I wanna watch my mind break With it My mind is melting From things around it Like caskets buried With dirt around them I tried to climb out But I fell back in I’ll put up white flags to tell them I give in
4.
Here is another interesting individual Is that what the people say to be nice and protect you from harming yourself spent the night curled up I'm ready for this to be done Stare in the mirror and ask for more Examining every single pore Starved myself until my family doesn't know me I wanna be set free and gone for good Tonight In a cage of wasted space Even if I break the lock, get what I want What's to stop me from hating myself? Call for help, get them to bring everything I used to love about mental health Call me To stop me Cause I am truly longing for some help I've tried everything, and I swear nothing has ever worked well Stare in the mirror with weight on my face Every second is filled with disdain How could you make me then hate me once I'm born I know I'm not good but I don't what I'm here for
5.
I want stability With no strings attached Cause I'm the burnt out kid at the back of the class When all the kids would point and laugh at my weight and I'd be clench my fist hoping to put it through the back of their face I hope you all die a very painful death my friends Cause when that bell rings No the nightmare doesn't end it just begins It's been a long time coming I just want one household to grow up in And everything looks better With my face buried deep in my warm black sweater It's time Gotta stand up For myself Hey can you hear me I need help Do people just forget the things that happened when they were a kid or should they carry over and be fresh in their minds to shape how they live Hey you yell at me Tell me all the things you want me to be You came down the stairs asked me if I was tough and pushed me against the wall is this family love I hit as hard as I could grabbed my shit and then left why did I ever think you could love me enough to give me respect now I'm just the kid who didn't find his place and found out all the things you hate are all the things you can’t change
6.
The end of your life is nearing We all saw it coming like angels in a clearing But we never cared to make your last days worth your while We march to your death That's interrupted by the sound of hospital elevators going up and down The way we walk is part somber part asleep still trying to act fine guess I should've called back when you were alive But now your stuck in wires suspended in time And I'm a speechless little kid who acts like he can’t wrap his mind around Death The construct the meaning Oh please The sound of all those machines made me claustrophobic I couldn't breath Small talk in the parking lot On the way to her bed It's so human and so sad let’s just do what we came here to do We came here to watch you die We came to watch you pass in front of me And I never saw you cry I bet you don't even know what is happening They turned out the lights To make it more comforting A dark end to life No way will you ever stay out of my mind
7.
Stinky Man 02:45
I've been talking so much shit On myself in my own head I know it does no good but I still do And if I get 1 chance To end my life for real I won't wince Cause maybe if I died right now I would be a great man I've been thinking a lot I've been thinking a lot About how my old friends are gone And it’s not their fault that I'm never around those things are all that I want I'm all that I’ve got In this moment I AM all that I’ve got You'd think from the past that I've learned a lot and I have but right now I'm so damn lost And the way that I work is just like everyone else But I don't wanna think that so I destroy my health (shout) I AM INVINCIBLE! I AM INVINCIBLE! I'm a sad little man I'm a sad fuckin man I should just flip my van So I can die alone with the things I love My guitar and my amp That's why I play this song In hopes someone sings along So you can share my pain lets connect our brains And be 2 broken halves LETS BE BROKEN I'm just a sad little man
8.
Victory Song 04:13
Guide me to bind bend and slip into your mind Reuse every ounce and every inch of my patience Like a glove emotionally I wanna wrap around you give you everything you ever wanted and know that I'll be true cause Fuck the people who bring you down Every dipshit man with a sexist mouth Any time you wanna speak your mind the floor is yours don’t be ignored or pushed to the back of line You Are Every Thing You know? I guess you could tell by The way our personalities are so inline every thought you have is 1 step before mine I think you deserve the best so when I hear you're under stress its makes me feel it in my chest like your nerves have always been attached To mine I'm sick of the way (hold) They treat you every day (hold) And if they never understand what they have Well then they might as well give you up now I'm sick of the way (hold) That things are every day And it makes me so god damn sick That they don't care Ya gotta fix your face Put your confidence in the right place And hopefully when they shoot you down You fall with grace Don't Give up now
9.
Everyone that you grew up with Is viewed as a degenerate But They're all so busy now That Whenever you're home you wanna hang out But you gotta hang alone Unless it's about drugs (drugs) Getting fucked up to show ‘em what you love Do you love yourself? Cause most of this shit is real bad for your health I just wanna hangout with my friends when they're sober Saw your parents at the funeral and couldn't get over The way they looked and how I felt If it hurts inside then its parallel To my beliefs That humans have to bleed to know what it means to have life and how quickly that can leave Do I know what it means Move all pictures to the floor I have no connection anymore To all the joy they used to give Reminders of how I used to live We aren't the secrets that we keep Hold them inside forever Never letting yourself get better Who cares if they judge you for being soft Better to live an open book than an empty shell
10.
Finale 05:24
Find something to Use my words with But I can never make them fit Just right maybe for tonight a push for good signs And all of the times I've waited to make up my mind Stay attached to the way you live Make it harder just to leave here So I won't ever give Into impulse fed by momentary Mental discomfort temporary Bleed the feeling until you can stand still Sure I was bullied when I was younger but Why do I care what they think? Sure, my dad had a huge chip on his shoulder Why did it impact me? Hell yeh a friend was dead and family lost but I'm still here Spilling my woes without taking action or a step in the right direction Can you feel me? I feel like I'm barely here Like my presence only exists when i try to let it I'm trying Stay attached to the way you live Make it harder just to leave here So I won't ever give Into impulse fed by momentary Mental discomfort temporary Bleed the feeling until you can stand still What do I look like? A super human being Who can harden his mind and shed off everything With a half forced okay smile I guess I'll try but what's the point if I'm gone tomorrow To feel better I'll convince myself I have a soul Is that what could make me feel lovable? The notation that there's something concealed within my chest I'll try to pry it out and show ‘em I’ve got nothing left Tell me the worst thing that's ever happened to you I wanna know the truth Why do you even wake up? What makes us still try to survive when we're already barely alive How do they do it? They always just keep waking up every morning just to rob the world of its love It makes me sick it makes me weak I can’t breathe Hopefully I can choke and pass in my sleep I don't wanna have kids cause I don't wanna see their face When they realize that they're stuck and have to live inside this place Same old kid same story I'll pin my note to the door you'll find it in the morning

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released March 3, 2019

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Graduating Life Fresno, California

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